Defying Expectation
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In today's society, there is constant pressure on individuals to live up to certain expectations, whether it is related to academics, careers, or beyond. Some individuals conform but others defy such expectations in order to pursue what they truly desire. Â
Have there been any expectations that have been imposed upon you by your friends, family, or society while you were growing up, or even up until now? Â How have you defied these expectations and why? Â
#DefyingExpectations is seeking submissions from the community in hopes of standing up to stereotypes and celebrating how people can be much more than how they first appear. If you are interested in sharing your story, please fill out the following form.
Joyce Wang
-What role do expectations play in your life? Does your identity coincide with the expectations you feel you defy?-
One's image plays a big role in many cultures, and as a Chinese individual I feel this idea is very prominent amongst Chinese families, and often these are motivators for me to change the way I present myself. Chinese culture has evolved to become more open-minded for sure, but I feel the expectation that girls should dress in a way that obviously expresses their femininity still persists. This expectation has been a source of inner conflict for me ever since I was little.
I feel even in this day and age there are still underlying assumptions that how you dress has to match your identity, and this has been a surprisingly complex and persistent principle in my life.
As mentioned earlier, I never really dressed in a style that was viewed traditionally feminine, and certain people in my life have taken issue with it, whether by expressing sorrow at the fact that "this girl doesn't want to dress like a girl", or the like. I once even had someone comment that my blazer looked cute but "why didn't you wear a dress". In my mind, it's frustratingly simple that I, as a girl, shouldn't have to obviously look the part.
-In what ways have you or have you not defied expectations?-
Growing up, I have always been subtly reprimanded for not taking on a more 'feminine' image, whether it was through my clothes, my manner of speaking, or even my posture. Having been alive for a good many years, I've come to understand that I prefer styles in clothing and presentation that do not necessarily conform to any gender. For example, I'm quite fond of the tougher, androgynous-looking image that I feel is usually not associated with the typical idea of the Chinese American girl (that was pressed upon me as a child).
In contrast with the Chinese/Chinese American mindset of what makes girls "feminine", I believe that my outward presentation through clothes or mannerisms does not have to reflect the fact that I feel female.
-Why do you believe it is important to challenge or defy expectations?-
By confining to ideals as to how people should present themselves based on certain expectations, we are only limiting our potential to see each other beyond those expectations. To put ourselves into boxes is simply a waste of time when we could be depicting ourselves in ways that don't fit the norm.
Aran Chang
-What kinds of expectations do you encounter in regards to yourself?-
Often when people hear how I'm Asian-American and I'm a premed, they immediately assume a lot of things- studious, quiet, even cutthroat.
-What role do expectations play in your life? Have these expectations affected your decisions?-
Most of the time, these expectations don't usually affect me.But there are still times when these expectations can be hurtful. In high school, my mother approached the school to see if they'll let me P/F the trimester. You see, I hadn't been performing well academically ever since my friend committed suicide.
When I followed up about it a month later, instead of the sympathy and understanding that the school claimed they'd provide in the wake of a student's death, it was instead met with confusion and apathy.
The guidance counselor was dismissive and questioned why I would still be grieving when it had been a whole month since her death. He often tried to convince me that actually, my feelings were not as serious as I felt like they were.
This trend continued for the rest of high school, where the guidance counselors and the teachers would be dismissive of my and my family's concerns or worries. And honestly, it felt like we were treated this way because we were Asian. The asian americans in my area had gotten the reputation of being too desperate- Prioritizing their kids' education made the community a target for assumptions that to get the good grades and to get into the good schools, Asian parents would be willing to do anything- apparently even capitalizing on a student's death.
I didn't realize it back then, thinking that it really was my fault for feeling depressed or asking too much out of the school. Until I joined Subtle Asian Mental Health, and realized this continued dismissal of anxiety or grief amongst Asian Americans is common.
But the outcome from meeting the negative consequences of these expectations isn't all bad.
Despite the expectations people assumed out of me by just seeing my face and the words 'premed', it just made me more determined to fight those expectations. It made me more interested to throw myself out there and try new things- like the stuff where people wouldn't expect asians to do, such as volunteering with animals or civic activism. And of course, I'm much more assertive and loud than I used to be.
Next time a guidance counselor tries to say that I'm only feeling like I'm depressed because I want to get into med school, I now have the voice to tell them to shut the f*** up.
Yuehan Liu
-In what ways have you or have you not defied expectations?-
I know what I want. I have to be courageous enough to leave my beloved family and pursue my dream.
-Why do you believe it is important to challenge or defy expectations?-
You could listen to others, but it is always important to follow your own heart.
Y Cha
-In what ways have you or have you not defied expectations?-
I have defied and exceeded my own expectations. For example, I am fluent in English, Mandarin, Cantonese and some Min despite growing up in the US where only English is required. Precollege, I could have never imagined being able to pursue joint Goucher BA+JHU combined BS/MSEM degrees!
Samantha Chun
-What kinds of expectations do you encounter in regards to yourself?-
I encounter so many expectations in daily life from all sorts of sources--myself, my family, society, and my peers. The grand majority of these expectations stem from being an Asian woman.
One of the most pressuring expectations I feel revolves around self-confidence. There is a constant pressure on women, especially women of color, to present themselves as humble and agreeable. A white man's confidence is a POC woman's arrogance, and my lifelong struggle to be a more humble person at times goes too far, damaging my self esteem and making me doubt my own capabilities.
I'm a naturally outspoken, opinionated, and assertive person, so the expectations placed on Asian women not to challenge the status quo often weigh on me, especially when I can see others’ disapproval. I definitely can list multiple instances where things I did were perceived differently because my relationship with my identity came as an (unpleasant) surprise to others.
-What role do expectations play in your life? Have these expectations affected your decisions?-
Where I grew up, people often define Asians as robotically academic, homogeneous, apolitical passionless pursuers of profit with strict families devoid of affection. This point of view is obviously outdated to many here at JHU, but it is truly common in my hometown where Asians form a very underrepresented minority.
Growing up shouldering these expectations, yet not fitting these negative stereotypes in any way, definitely motivated me to defy expectations even further. I'm extremely passionate about politics, determined to pursue my passion, emotionally close and open with my family, and not afraid to hold strong beliefs or challenge others. When white friends and acquaintances attempted to label me as the 'exception' in their perception of Asian group identity, I always pushed back against the idea that Asians as a whole aren't extremely diverse and multi-faceted individuals.
Coming from a non-Asian diaspora community also entails defying expectations. Balancing expectations from my Ohio hometown and peers at JHU often makes me feel like I'm simultaneously too Korean and not Korean enough. Here at JHU, I've also been called "too left" and "too politically opinionated" to be truly Asian; fellow asians have claimed that my politics "whitewash" me. I'd like to remind people that both Asians and Asian Americans have a significant history of political engagement. Moreover, I firmly believe that caring about my community and my country can never invalidate my identity.
-Why do you believe it is important to challenge or defy expectations?-
Placing expectations on others is often limiting and misleading. We have all seen how the pressure from these expectations unfairly constrains potential and can even induce the deterioration of mental health. We live in a country where expectations can mean the difference between a speeding ticket or death at the hands of police brutality.
Dismantling limiting and unfair expectations allows for a more fair and harmonious society, as well as more potential for growth by allowing people to fully shine and pursue their passions freely.
Maya Foster
-What kinds of expectations do you encounter in regards to yourself?-
People expect me often times to be timid, quiet and not bold. I've also had people insinuate that I'm not the typical "black person" with regards to how I act and talk. Most of my life has been people assuming things that weren't actually true and once I broke their preconceived perceptions of me they are always so surprised. But I've always been the same me.
-What role do expectations play in your life? Have these expectations affected your decisions?-
I take expectations really to heart. Part of me is hurt sometimes when people expect me to be a certain way, and when I defy that expectation they are surprised or disappointed. It means they kind misunderstand me to some degree.
Internally, I also put a lot of expectations on myself. As a black women in science I strive to do well and prove I am just as capable as others. I think the stereotypes of people of color not interested in STEM or not having the ability to excel has always been taken to heart for me. I grew up in predominantly white then predominantly Asian neighborhoods. I was often an "only", and didn't want to be a stereotype of the "only" that I was.
So yes, I would say expectations have affected my decisions. I definitely push myself and am a harsh critic of the things I do, sometimes a little too much.
-Why do you believe it is important to challenge or defy expectations?-
Expectations push and motivate me. By challenging or defying them, I learn more about myself too along the way.
Elizabeth Im
Elizabeth Im
-What kinds of expectations do you encounter in regards to yourself?-
I've encountered expectations as the eldest child in the family. My parents really poured everything, their love and dream, onto me. I have been blessed to be their daughter but also it was frustrating at times to always try to catch up to their expectations. Especially because both of my parents are hard on themselves too; Apparently there's always room to be a better version of oneself. This caused a lot of friction in my relationship with my parents when I was younger.
Now that I am older, I am grateful for everything they did. When I reflect back on my childhood, I think about how young a 30-year old is to be a parent, and to be in charge of another life. I don't think I would be ready to parent another human being in ten years. And that's why the eldest child receives such overwhelming unfiltered love; it's the parents' first time being a mother, and a father, and they don't know how to manage their love and expectation for their child yet. I think we grew together; after 20 years of practice, we learned how to let go of control, and how to listen without resistance.
-What role do expectations play in your life? Have these expectations affected your decisions?-
In my senior year of high school, my college counsellor called me a "unicorn" because I was an Asian who wanted to study English literature. And I loved that. This is something that I think about now and then; I felt special and unique.
Then when I came to Hopkins, there was a great pressure to become a pre-med or become an engineering student. Sometimes, people wanted me to defend my choice of major. In the end, I changed some parts of myself, according to this expectation: I decided to double major in Cognitive Science.
Julia See
-What kinds of expectations do you encounter in regards to yourself?-
I am expected to be just another pre-med.
I am expected to be a typical Californian Asian-American.
I am expected to be quiet and polite with my family.
I am expected to be smart.
I am expected to always be happy.
I am expected to be able to handle all the work on my plate.
I am expected to be healthy.
I am expected to take care of myself.
I am expected to understand Chinese.
I am expected to make my family proud.
-What role do expectations play in your life? Have these expectations affected your decisions?-
My mom has always told me that I have the highest expectations for myself— more than what she, my family, and society imposes on me. Although people say that expectations stem from societal and familial pressures, personally it stems from the fear of not wanting to disappoint. It affects all the small decisions that I believe would lead to success even if it means swallowing all the pain that I’m feeling to keep moving on. Some days it’s a good thing because it keeps me motivated. Other days, it makes me feel small and worthless. Ultimately, I think that setting expectations upon myself help me get back up after every time I fall.
-Why do you believe it is important to challenge or defy expectations?-
Expectations can be good, bad, and neutral. However, it's important to challenging expectations when it all becomes too much and starts impinging on your health, happiness, and identity. Remaining complacent means that you accept someone else's mold instead of your own. Everyone has too much soul to be handled by someone else
Ingrid Wu
-What kinds of expectations do you encounter in regards to yourself?-
Coming from an accomplished extended family, I always must exceed expectations. However, American views often clash with the ways of the old country. I'm forever challenged to fulfill divergent duties.
-In what ways have you or have you not defied expectations?-
I've defied expectations by countering stereotypes and naysayers. Back when JHU classmates were mostly male, I shocked immature wiseguys to their senses by winning pageants contrary to chauvinistic notions of ugly smart gals vs pretty bimbos. I disproved excelling in STEM means nerds unable to communicate well vs multilingual humanists or social scientists fearing numbers.
-Why do you believe it is important to challenge or defy expectations?-
We should continually challenge or defy expectations to break molds and constructively improve ourselves toward a more civil global community.